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'It's surreal' | Allen outlet mall store employee talks about hiding from gunman, how it's impacted her and others

Esmeralda Duffus-Zeegers has worked at one of the mall stores for the last seven years and was at work last Saturday, May 6.

ALLEN, Texas — Mental health is often a frequent topic of conversation following a tragedy, such as the one that happened at the Allen Premium Outlets on Saturday. Business owners in a nearby shopping told WFAA that some employees decided not to return to work. 

Stacy Holwerda is the general manager of Liberty Burger, located on the 800 block of West Stacy Road. She says things have been slow at the eatery since last weekend.

“We don’t know how long it’s going to be different…do we shut down for a day? Do we shut down for a week for a month? Who knows? You don’t know how long this is going to affect everybody,” said Holwerda.

The restaurant remains open, but Holwerda says one employee has already quit. 

“He messaged us and was talking to his family, and they thought it was best for him to not stay employed and not come back effective immediately. That’s the last I’ve heard from him unfortunately," Holwerda says. 

Holwerda understands that some of her employees are struggling and checks in with them to make sure they are okay. Meanwhile, those who worked at the outlet mall still don’t know when they will return to work. 

Esmeralda Duffus-Zeegers has worked at one of the mall stores for the last seven years and was at work last Saturday; the day a single gunman decided to open fire outside her place of employment.

“It’s surreal I know I went through it at the same time. When I see things on TV I can kind of not associate it, but still associate it," said Duffus-Zeegers.

While most watched the events in Allen unfold Saturday from afar, the experience for those who were inside was very different and they are left trying to fill in the gaps. 

“The news can show it. The cameras that were up in the air can show it, but I can’t talk about it because I was in a little room in the back of my store with no real windows or anything to see what was going on.”

Duffus-Zeegers goes on to say the traumatic experience has brought up feelings about the loss of her mother last year. It’s a kind of grief that licensed clinical social workers, like Christine Sunny John, describe as having ‘multiple layers’.

“It may even trigger sadness and other previous memories of losses and feelings of sadness, anxiety and anger and once again going back making sure that you feel your feelings and talking about it rather than hiding and isolating it,” said John.

With the obvious looming question of what comes next, Duffus-Zeegers says self-care is important, but so is caring for others, including the other people who she was working with on Saturday.

“We’re keeping touch and we’re making sure that if anybody needs to talk or something like that, that we have each other, we have each other’s backs, we’re family, and that’s what I like about where I work." 

Property owners say the Allen Premium Outlets will remain closed until all the funerals of those who lost their lives have taken place.

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